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10 of Denis Norden’s best lines on everyday life

8:10 am, 19th September 2018

Here are some of the comedy writer’s most memorable lines on everyday life:

:: It’s a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it’s when you discover that your wife left you in May.

:: There’s an unseen force which lets birds know when you’ve just washed your car.

:: I used to like writing for comedians – I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

:: What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

:: You know you’re getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

:: If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

:: Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

:: And when you’re on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it’s funny – and you have no way of finding out.

:: Then after that came word processors and it’s hard to make those laugh.

:: It’s like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it’s remembered.